Blog # 6 – Leading with the Language of Love
One year in the 1980s I lived in Italy. I was there on an Italian Government scholarship to work on my PhD (which is another story), that took me to some fabulous places all around Italy where I researched ancient documents in libraries, monastries, art museums, etc. I was reminded recently of a scene I saw there often, especially around famous monuments. It goes like this: tourist goes up to an Italian street seller of something humble like roasted chestnuts, and asks a complicated question in English such as how to get to the Vatican. Italian seller, not understanding a word, does the typical Italian shoulder shrug action. Tourist simply asks the same question at twice the volume. They just didn’t get it that they were in Italy, and that the language spoken there was, oddly enough, Italian. (When in Rome, right?) Was my Italian perfect? Hell, no. But the locals really appreciated my poor but persistent efforts to speak their language.
So it is with horses. Too often I have witnessed horse owners yelling at their horses, either literally, or by insisting the horse react in response to excessive physical force. The poor horse is treated as though she is an idiot or “naughty”. Shamefully, I have done this myself, although hopefully no longer. To be respectful and get results with horses we must “speak horse”. Anyone can get the basics of the language in an hour. Of course, horses speak horse very effectively. Using their unique body language, they lead each other to fresh water and green pastures, keep each other out of harm’s way, are playful, mate together, give birth, support each other, and much more. And the miracle is that we humans can learn to be better leaders in the human world by observing and learning “horse” from them.
What sort of language do people usually use with horses? Isn’t it usual to walk in a straight line to a horse, saying something friendly? Then comes touching on the nose and head, followed by patting. Then the halter goes on the horse’s head for control, and the person walks off pulling the horse behind. This is all well intentioned, but it is typical predator language, and a horse doesn’t understand it, at least not in the way we want her to! For a start, she doesn’t understand English (apart from a few select commands), and chances are we don’t touch her in a way that she understands as friendly. Finally, by putting on a halter and lead rope and pulling the horse along we have destroyed any trust we might have been able to develop. Imagine doing that to a human who uses a language other than English or, worse still, imagine doing that to an autistic person. What would we most likely communicate then? Love, admiration, awe? Or fear? In a horse not habituated to humans, that would be fear, for sure. Domesticated horses are more likely to respond with indifference because they have become used to our bumbling ways. Fortunately, they are largely forgiving of our ignorance. But we can ask the horse to collaborate with us. We can learn to use her language and by doing so we learn a huge amount about ourselves and our own leadership qualities.
At Earthorse Aotearoa, clients learn through interacting with horses, how to “ask” a horse to walk with them, rather than “making” the horse do it. Through this seemingly simple task we discover how our own energy levels and intentional focus affect the horse and how it is possible to become aligned with her. This learning is even more powerful if the horse becomes a metaphor for something in the client’s life, such as a new job, new workmate, etc. Working with a personal story while experiencing a 600 kilo animal responding willingly to our subtle leadership cues has a wonderfully life affirming effect that is carried back to everyday life.
We all have leadership abilities — we need them for everyday interactions with our family, community and at work, whether or not we have a formal leadership role. From horses we learn how to be assertive without fear when it is needed and how to lead with the language of love.
Blog # 5 — Finding peace in the midst of the herd
How do you meditate with horses? At Earthhorse Aotearoa we do this in two ways. The first is to invite a horse to be the point of attention as we meditate on one or more aspects of the horse through our senses. This can be on a visual aspect such as the beautiful soft brown eye of a relaxed horse, or the delicious nutty smell around their necks, or their velvetty smooth coats. In this way the meditation object takes the place of a mantra. The second method is where we practice traditional meditations in the presence of horses. What do horses have to add to this process? For a start, horses are very grounded. They are part of nature just as we are, but in spite of 6000 years of domestication with humans, they have not lost touch with their natural state of being. They are expert at leading us to a place where we can deeply renew our connection with nature. Secondly, horses are emotionally authentic and honest. They can’t lie. They read our body language truthfully and let us know if we project one emotion (eg, happiness) when we are actually feeling another (eg, anxiety). They teach us to be authentic and real as well as grounded in our true being. We refer to horses as Zen Masters on four legs because they know how to live in the present (the now) without anxiety for the past or future. And they teach us how to take a wider, softer, focus.
Over the summer we took a break from working with clients (mainly so they could have holidays), and we spent lots of valuable time with our beloved herd. We gave them all massages (Equine Touch) and we had a ball taking several of our horses to the beach for relaxing rides. Sometimes we took the miniature horses so they could splash around in the sea and be loved on by admiring young people (and not always so young). We love seeing the joy on the faces of people discovering delightful mini horses on the beach. The summer holiday was also great to use as a time to practice meditation with horses. Many days it was just too hot to move, so meditating under a tree with a horse was an attractive option. We are lucky with our farm, because it has a large stand of native trees that were part of the original forest before the area was cleared for farming. There is a huge Totora tree in an area where the horses can choose to shelter, which has a large protruding root ideal for sitting on. Several times I sat there and meditated as our seven horses came and went as they pleased. On each occasion one horse would choose to stand very close by, head down, eyes half closed as though in meditation too. And of course they would be, since that is their default state. As prey animals they know how to be alert to their enviornment, while at the same time being deeply relaxed. Meditating with a horse puts us exactly on their wavelength for a while, and what a peaceful wavelength that is! There was one time last week when I had been meditating under the tree for about ten minutes when I got the idea that I should open my eyes. What I saw just blew me away. There were four of the big horses standing in front of me in a semi-circle with their heads down, fast asleep. It was a profound moment of feeling totally at peace and of belonging deeply to the earth. I wanted to keep that special moment going but eventually I had to move. The horses responded by gently wandering down the hill to their water trough. It was a beautiful peaceful moment I will always cherish.
Last week I wrote about the many visitors who have been coming through the Earthhorse gates for free half-hour introduction sessions with the horses. Many showed interest in returning for private sessions, and some also expressed interest in joining us for a whole-day workshop here in Waitetuna Valley. As a result, we are offering a workshop on Saturday 24th February — Meditation and Mindfulness with Horses. This will be for a small group of four people, which keeps the experience intimate and personal. (If we get more than four enquiries we are prepared to offer a repeat workshop on the Sunday 25th February.) Click below for more information or call us on 0221714122
Blog # 4 — Opening up the farm gate
At the New Year we opened the gates to Earthhorse Aotearoa at Waitetuna Valley and invited people for free half-hour introductions to our work with the therapy herd. The idea was to introduce people who were curious about equine assisted therapy and personal development, but who hadn’t come across the work before. It can be a challenge understanding how horses aid people to grow mentally and spiritually, so actually meeting the herd and getting a taste of how it works is helpful. In one sense equine assisted therapy is a very new modality, but in another it is as old as nature itself since humans and animals have learned and benefited from each other’s company for millenia.
We were touched by the way people immediately responded to the zen-like nature of the horses. One visitor, after a short grounding exercise, opened up about her experiences of abuse as a child and was supported by our old thoroughbred, who has himself received some awful treatment in his past. He put his head lightly on her shoulder for several minutes, and held her by his presense. This horse has an uncanny way of bringing insight into a personal story. There was a time a few years ago when he voluntarily hung his head for an hour over the shoulder of an acutely depressed client and drew her out of a very black hole.
Another couple of visitors who stick in my memory from the last three weeks were so energised by the presence of horses along with our native trees and birds, that their joy and curiosity was obvious and they stayed a whole lot longer than half an hour. We don’t mind that at all since it is such a pleasure to share the good energy from horses and nature with people who appreciate it.
The horses continue to have a positive effect on us too of course. There are days when I get so busy with the managing of the farm, and with all the physical and planning jobs that need doing, that I lose my focus. I forget that life does not have to revolve around DOING things, but that it is about BEING: being human, being alive, being part of nature. Of course we all have to get stuff done, but I believe the secret is to quietly work away at a goal without being personally attached to it, without exaggerating its importance. If on the other hand I allow myself to be more mindfull of the process, to enjoy all aspects of the task, then the sense of mental pressure and anxiety disappears. The horses remind me every day to notice where I am, what I am doing, and to accept what is happening in the moment. They are masters of self awareness and mindfulness, and have so much to teach us. Every day they reveal their wisdom.
We have had so many visitors and they have all been wonderful. Their questioning has been insightful, and it seems that all benefited from meeting our horses and getting a taste of how they offer insight on the journey to increased mental and spiritual health. The interest has been so great that we are continuing the free introductions. All you need to do is PM on Messenger or call 022 1714 122 if you are interested.
Blog # 3 — A powerful metaphor
Today is the first day of 2018. Wow, how did that happen? As we enter this new year, we reflect back on the wonderful experiences we have had with our clients and horses here at Earthhorse. Here is a simple client story with a powerful message.
How do horses help with human personal development? By meeting horses in a genuine “Equine Assisted Learning” environment, a client is invited to tap into a horse’s unique point of view while the facilitator guides him or her in applying the learning to their own life. This is done through a number of techniques, the simplest one being observation and reflection on an interaction with a horse. Sometimes the personal break-through might seem fairly simple but at the same time offering a powerful revelation. Here’s one such example. One of our clients called “Sam” was invited to walk our thoroughbred Jake around the arena during a private session. He walked ahead of Jake, effectively pulling him around with the lead rope. He didn’t do this in a cruel way (and actually that’s a common way people lead horses generally), but he was constantly looking behind at Jake to see if he was coming. The problem is that Jake wasn’t actually coming very willingly at all. Sam discovered that if he looked Jake in the eye like that, it made the horse nervous. Jake was reacting as though he was thinking, “what does he want from me?” Sam was invited to explore other ways of leading Jake, and discovered that walking at the shoulder of the horse was much more effective and felt more like a willing partnership. This experience became a powerful metaphor for how Sam leads his life, which we discovered as we talked about how he looks behind to see how he is doing (looking into the past — living in the past) and how he has a habit of seeking approval and direction from others. Walking in partnership with Jake when he was “invited” to walk with Sam, and where Sam directed the activity by facing forward and deciding where they were both going to put their feet safely, was a much more positive experience for both horse and human. After this session Sam was able to take the embodied memory of this experience home with him, where he explored how this realisation could be translated into more effective communication with people in his life.
Blog # 2 — A window into the work
Horses give immediate honest feedback to our emotions and behaviour, rapidly leading to personal insight.
We’ve been working really hard on the new website over the past months and the feedback has been phenomenal. People are engaging with the ideas around Equine Assisted Counselling (EAC), loving the images and stories from our herd, and starting to get to know the humans who serve the horses on our little farm. One of our biggest challenges has been trying to distil some big ideas and philosophies into small bites that can be meaningful at first glance. That’s where phrases like the one you see above have come from. It basically tells you what happens when well prepared horses are invited into a learning and therapy process with people. Over the years, we’ve come to see this perspective as central to the human-equine therapeutic relationship and we’ve been lucky to witness some moving examples of how this principle actually works.
When I started training as a practitioner in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and Learning in Australia in 2011, I had almost no idea of how it would work. I knew of RDA (Riding for the Disabled) and how guided riding helps with motor control, balance, confidence, and more, but this was different, and I could only guess how horses could assist people psychologically and in personal growth. The only knowledge I had was from Linda Kohanov’s 2007 book, The Tao of Equus: A Woman’s Journey of Healing and Transformation through the Way of The Horse. Linda writes about her own awakening to the communicative and healing powers of horses and the discoveries she made about their innate ability to be loving guides, teachers, and therapists to humans. Her stories of clients’ transformative experiences with horses demonstrated that they could offer “true reflections of our deepest souls”.
I was blown away by the training at the Equine Psychotherapy Institute in Victoria. It showed in so many stunning working examples, how effectively horses give honest feedback on peoples’ actual emotional states (as opposed to the ones they think they are presenting). One of the most extraordinary things was how quickly those insights came. What might have taken many hours of talk therapy in rooms, often happened in a single session with horses. How is this possible? Do horses have some sort of magical powers? Well, no they don’t, but they are very aware beings. Over thousands of years, as vulnerable prey animals, they have been closely attuned to all of nature for their survival. Humans on the other hand, as predators in the main, typically focus on one thing at a time while blocking out other information. While single-minded focus and thinking ability has served us well in many respects, they are also the source of much human misery. Horses extend the invitation to us to take a wider, softer, focus.
Here is a story of one of our clients (name and personal details changed). Michael is a 12 year old boy who came to us from a very abusive background, was frightened of most things, panicked easily, and his default reaction to most things was anger. When he met our horses his fear of them was overwhelming and he could not be anywhere near them. But over the course of weeks and months the horses became his friends and he involved them in the stories he wove around them. By identifying with the horses, seeing how they reacted to events and other beings, and discussing how they processed their fears, he was able to identify his fears and ask the horses to help process his feelings. By using playful exercises and controlled experiments with the horses, his observations of how they keep themselves safe while remaining alert to danger helped him to take a wider view of his world and gain an awareness of how to keep himself safe. One session he loved was watching the herd members jostling for space and authority over each other during a free-for-all feeding session. He astutely observed their pushing, shoving, allowing, and leadership qualities, which led to an animated discussion of his experiences of bullying. He learned that horses sometimes push each other around, but they don’t hurt each other or get into unneccessary physical fights. What do horses do to avoid hurting each other? They show their displeasure through body language, then they walk away, forget about it, and go back to grazing. “Going back to grazing” has become one of Michael’s mantras.
It is very exciting and fulfilling for me to see a client like Michael respond to the horse’s kindness and wisdom. Of course his abusive history remains, and will always have an impact on his life, but the horses have gifted him greater confidence, self respect, and a wider, softer focus which can be built upon. The horses never fail to amaze me by their generous spirit and transformative powers.
Blog # 1 — New Beginnings
Welcome to the first blog post on our new-look Earthhorse website. This equine work springs from vulnerability and emotional honesty, for us, for the horses, and for our clients. In these posts we are going to share our own experiences, introduce you to our herd, and highlight some amazing moments with our clients (while maintaining confidentiality).
How did we stumble across this fairly rare kind of work? This is my third career, my first as a professional musician, and my second as a university academic. But I have always been crazy about horses and had meantime learned as much as I could about natural horsemanship, barefoot hoof trimming, and Equine Touch bodywork during my spare time while working in universities. Then, seven years ago I took on a job as Dean of Humanities in an Australian University. I took up the five-year contract, motivated by a desire for adventure, as well as (if I am brutally honest) the attraction of enhanced status and high earnings. But you know when you have a gut feeling that something is just not 100% right? Well, I knew from day one that the new university was not a happy place and that I really should not have taken a job there. Actually, I also had that feeling at the job interview, but I was so flattered to be offered the job, I thought, “hell, let’s just do it anyway”. The Australian job went downhill very rapidly and I was made redundant after 18 months, along with many of my colleagues. Fortunately my gut instinct had alerted me to the inevitability of such an outcome, so I had meantime begun to train as a counsellor. This is something I had always wanted to do and which I had been putting into practice informally as a university manager. At this stage I also learned about practitioner training from the Equine Psychotherapy Institute in Victoria, and since we were still in Australia I knew this was a “must do”. I had a very positive “yes” gut feeling to the idea. I soon realised that my life experiences such as dealing with childhood sexual abuse, addictions and depression, as well as thirty years of exploration of a variety of spiritual practices, set me up well for this kind of work. I was blown away by how effective the Equine Assisted Psychotherapy training was, and it was also personally helpful, as of course it was necessary to go into therapy myself in order to be a practitioner.
Redundancy turned out to be an extremely painful experience — much more than I would have imagined. For one thing, I was totally humiliated by such a resounding “failure”, regardless of how I could rationalise it. I “unfriended” most of my old friends and colleagues out of intense embarassment, and I tried to keep my hurt to myself. This of course, was not a healthy way of dealing with grief! After a year of unsuccessfully applying for jobs the money ran out, savings disappeared, and we had to sell our little farm in Dunedin. All this was heartbreaking and worrying, and eventually I had to face the reality that as a woman in her early 60s I was not valued, either by my industry or by wider society. Self-esteem plummeted, the black dog of long ago revisited, and huge financial worries dominated. Meantime, I qualified in counselling, in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy, and in Equine Touch bodywork. But starting a new career in these modalities in Australia was not an option so we scuttled to Sarah’s family in the Waikato where we received wonderful unconditional support. Fortunately, at the point of selling up in Dunedin, we had bought 11 acres of land near Raglan. At this time we meant it only as a “land bank” as we fully expected I would get another academic job. The land ended up being the sum total of our worldly possessions — apart from our two beautiful quarter horses that we brought from Australia (who are actually not possessions to us, but family). We borrowed from another family member to buy a caravan and we now live on our beautiful Waitetuna Valley property with our herd. People ask us if this is a temporary living situation prior to building a proper house, but no … this is it. However, one year of caravan living later, we look at life very differently. We no longer think of “poor little us living in a caravan”, but are very grateful that we have such a comfortable and simple way of life. Our life is no longer looking to the future and worrying about all the “what ifs”. We embrace the reality of the temporary and cyclic nature of all life, and we give thanks for the gift of having our beautiful herd with us (now up to seven). We gain wisdom every day from living right in the midst of nature and from leading our clients to discover their own truths and strengths, learning from horses how to live in the moment and how to be emotionally honest.
That, in brief, is the journey that brought us here. I’ll share parts of it in more detail as we go (and you may, occasionally hear from Sarah on these pages) but mostly I’m looking ahead and invite you to come with us as we bring this beautiful modality to our community (and to all of you) with the help of some of the best therapists and counsellors we know – our herd of beautiful and loving horses.